I feel strong enough about this subject that I
wanted to inject my thoughts into my wife’s blog. We have triplets – infant
triplets, no less – and that makes our life like organized chaos at times.
There are schedules and routines. The babies require a lot of attention.
Georgia, Mickey, and Jolynne are absolute treasures and I love doing everything
with them. One of the best feelings in the world is when I walk into the
nursery in the morning and they are all awake (talking to each other and happy)
when suddenly they realize Dad is there…and they all grin ear to ear. The
babies do take a lot of energy out of you and there are times at night when I
am so exhausted all I want to do is sit in a chair and not think/do/say
anything. Honestly, the physical exhaustion reminds me of being at West Point
and trying to find pockets of time when I didn’t have to go do anything. Those
moments were crucial to staying sane. Those are the times, though, when I try
to do things for my wife. I will often rub her feet (ok, sometimes she has to
ask me); I try to ensure the house is cleaned up, dishes are put away, laundry
done, and formula made so she doesn’t have to worry about it; and I try to make
her feel attractive because she is so incredibly amazing in every way.
We
recently went across the country with everyone and had a ton of help. It was
quite a bit of fun and we were able to create memories that will endure the
rest of our lives. We were able to take the babies to the beach a few times and
spend a lot of time together. However, there were also commitments for us
without the babies. My wonderful mother-in-law was sweet enough to come to
Florida with us and watched the babies so we could visit with the bride/groom
at their house (we went there specifically for their wedding – Kara being the
Matron of Honor). We were able to go on a dinner cruise for the rehearsal
dinner. My parents came in that night to also help with the babies and spend
time with us. Saturday night I went to the wedding with Linda (my
mother-in-law) and we joined Kara who was already there. That’s three nights
essentially without the babies. It isn’t easy and would not have been possible
without three grandparents and my sister (Ryan) joining us. Yet, incredibly, I
still get asked by people how we’re able to do those things. Really? I didn’t
realize it was a secret but here goes…It takes planning and work, but I don’t
believe our “To-Do” list is only the babies.
It
has become almost cliché for couples who become parents to suddenly stop doing
all the things they used to do together before kids. To a large extent it is
true. Kara and I used to go out to eat literally every Friday night. There are
lots of little things we could do that are simply not an option when you have
kids. We understood that going into this adventure and we firmly believe the
babies are the absolute number one thing in the world to us. But do you know
what #2 is? It is my wife…and our marriage. I believe our marriage is important
enough that we need to still make time for each other. I enjoy having 20
minutes of uninterrupted
conversation each day…I like having long conversations with her every week.
With good planning and a solid support system, we like to occasionally have overnights
by ourselves every few months. It is also part of our plan to have a few
weekends to ourselves every year.
I didn’t get married for just for
heck of it…I didn’t get married because of any pressures to do so…I didn’t get
married for any reason other than the fact that I think Kara is the most
unbelievable woman I had ever met (and still is) and I couldn’t imagine my life
without her. I plan to keep making her know that, any chance I can. And that is
going to occasionally mean the babies will be with someone else so we can spend
time together just the two of us. In the long-run, our marriage will be
healthier and stronger…which will lead to happier times at home and happier
babies/kids/teenagers. So I guess the short answer to the question of how do
parents of infant triplets get out of the house and go do stuff together is
this: we make it a priority and utilize the wonderful family/support network we
are fortunate to have. No secret formula to it…planning and committing to it. So
for everyone reading this blog, whether you have kids or not (or whether your
kids are grown up and not there every day) – whatever the situation happens to
be – make time for your significant other. I do…and will continue to do so.