Saturday, July 19, 2014

My Little Black Dress

I just had an amazing birthday weekend. Leading up to the weekend it didn't really feel "the same" or like my birthday was approaching at all. Mostly I think because unlike all the other birthdays I knew I wouldn't get to celebrate with my mom and sister and nephew. I knew I wouldn't get Peach Cobbler and Chicken Casserole like my mom makes for me every year. I also knew I would not get to do girls night and celebrate over dinner with my good friends Christie and Wendy. I was a bit sad and really missing everyone.

Luckily my husband saved the day as usual by surprising me with concert tickets to Sara Barielles. We started the night with dinner at the Melting Pot, one of my favorites. As much as I love all the eclectic food in Charlottesville, I wanted something familiar. It was amazing! And the concert was even better than I expected. Sara is a funny girl so she had us laughing the whole show, a pleasant surprise. Her voice is incredible and just gives me the goose bumps over and over. The lyrics to her music I love the most because I can relate to them and I know she writes them based on her own life experiences. When I first started listening to her music I was still getting over a pretty bad heartbreak and I had just moved to Dallas, right before I met Tommy. I was at a time in my life where I had all but given up on love and was starting to just accept the fact I may be a strong, single woman the rest of my life. How silly I was. I also happened to love my dozen or so little black dresses and that is the name of her tour. There were 4 young ladies, all in little black dresses, sitting in the row in front of us at the concert. They were holding hands and singing and they knew all the words to every song. Being the crazy person that I am I kept trying to get a picture of them. Why? I don't really know, to capture the moment I guess and everything I was feeling and what I thought they were feeling. When I looked at them I saw myself about 15 years ago. In my early twenties, still trying to find myself, loving to quickly, with too much of my heart and having the time of my life with my girlfriends, the only people I thought understood me. I saw myself back then in another little black dress, dancing with my girls at a concert or a party, singing karaoke in the living room. I couldn't help but stare at these girls. I wanted to tap them on the shoulder and tell them, "Hey, you are going to be OK", "Keep chasing the sun", "Always be yourself", "Don't let anyone stop you from from being happy. So cliche maybe, but I remember being that age and just the world was so big and I didn't know where I fit in it sometimes and I came close to giving up on my dreams so many times, but something always kept pushing me forward and through, and I know it was partially my girl friends and partially my parents, and partially me, knowing deep down inside there was still hope.

Me in my early twenties!

Me today (36)

Now I stand at this concert in the beautiful night air of Charlottesville, Virginia with the love of my life. Our three adorable children are sleeping soundly in their beds at home, hopefully dreaming the sweetest of dreams. When I was 21 years old, I never knew I could have all this in life and I felt overcome in that moment, at that concert, with complete happiness as I listened to Sara sing in my little black dress. I felt so blessed to be alive and for all the people who love me and the opportunities I have had. So if my children are reading this someday I hope if they get anything from it, it is that no matter how heartbroken you may be or how tough life gets, don't give up, because the good stuff will come around when it is supposed to and then all those other events in your life will make sense and the puzzle pieces will fit. And don't forget the good stuff that's sprinkled in between all that tough stuff. Its important too and someday you will look back on those moments and smile and maybe laugh too. Don't let anyone tell you that you are anything but amazing. Its OK to cry. Sometimes that's the best thing for you to do and if I am still here when you read this, you can cry on my shoulder and if I'm not, I am still listening and watching and you can still cry to me. But then you splash some water on your face, and move forward again.

Tommy and I at the concert!

The next day, we took the kids to Trump winery and enjoyed the spectacular views. We sat outside on the picnic benches and let the kids run around and play with bubbles. We ate cheese, crackers, flat bread pizza and sipped on some yummy wine of course. Then we went home and had blackberry cobbler that I made using some blackberries in our back yard. It was the perfect weekend. I love this place!

The last couple months have been stressful for us here. So much change in a short period of time and a lot of illness. It has taken its toll on all of us but the last couple weeks in our new home have been peaceful and I feel like I am home. I feel comfortable and like we have found our own little corner of the world. I hope that the kids will be happy here like Tommy and I are because I have a feeling we are not going anywhere.