Monday, November 12, 2012

Infertility, Politics, Religon, and the Tough Stuff.

I have decided to write about something that I have never publicly discussed on my personal facebook and to many others. Only my closest friends and family know, although I am sure others have suspected. The reason I did not talk about this before is for fear of being judged by people I care about, however, I have come to point where I can no longer be silent and am feeling hurt by the words of others although not directed at me, in directly it affects me. I have come to a point where I am willing to risk your judgment and stand up for what I believe. My life is full and if after this blog post, you think I am evil or a moron, or whatever else, I don't need you in my life anyway.

Some of you might think I am taking the subject of politics and the comments that were made by others way too personal. But who you vote for is a very personal decision and so yes, I do take those negative remarks personally. If they were constructive and polite while expressing a different opinion, satisfaction or dissatisfaction with the results, that would be different, but the comments I read the days leading to the election and after the election were not. And I read them coming from both political parties. So, I start by telling you that I voted for Obama and I did so for several reasons, although I will not discuss all of them here. I really don't want to get into politics at all but it is the issues behind the politics that stings. I wish the two were not interconnected but they are and so I cannot discuss one without the other. I would also like to point out that in contrast with what most people believe about those that voted for Obama, I have a college education and have worked very hard most of my adult life to get to where I am today in my career. My husband is a doctoral candidate and is set to graduate this coming Spring. We both work full time to provide for our family. Honestly, neither presidential candidate was that appealing to me, and just like I am sure some of you voted for Romney because of all the reasons you didn't want to vote for Obama. I voted for Obama because of all the reasons I didn't want to vote for Romney and it is in part because of his Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan. You see, Ryan and Todd Aiken (known for his comments on rape) co sponsored a bill that essentially limits a persons ability to utilize InVetro Fertilization. It also bans various forms of birth control. I also do not believe the government should legislate the way people live, like when two people of the same sex decide to get married. I have many friends that are members of the gay community and they are some of the most loving, giving and selfless people I know. I am a christian (although after my previous statement some of you may disagree) and I go to church on Sunday and I try to do the right thing and decent thing every day. The mission statement of the United Methodist Church I go to is "To create disciples of Jesus Christ who touch and inspire people through an open an diverse community". We do not judge others based on their sexual orientation, nor is it our place to do so.

3 months before I got married I was diagnosed with Endometriosis, and underwent a pretty invasive surgery. I will not get into what Endometriosis is here, you can google it if you don't know. I was told at that time, the chances of me being able to have children was slim. Unfortunately, this does not only affect me, but my future husband at the time. Luckily, knowing this, he still chose to marry me. :-) Both of us dreamed of having children and what I would have done to just have one. It did not seem fair to me, why I could not be a mother but others could, others that beat and neglected their children, but not me, a productive member of society, a good person at heart. So to no fault of my own, I was told the only chance I could have kids was through in vetro fertilization and so that's what we did, in hopes we could have a child. Now, we transferred two embryos hoping that at least one would implant, but both of them did and one of them split which in turn led to our three beautiful babies that you see pictures of every day. If it were not for modern medicine and that procedure, you would not see me posting any cute and cuddly pictures that most of you "like" and comment on every day. Our babies are flesh and blood, they are not robots and they are not abominations. They were born out of love from two people who were married and wanted to start a family but for health reasons could not do so on their own. I believe my children are a gift from god and that God was with those doctors and nurses the day they were conceived. To me, the lord was working through the doctors and nurses.

So, you see I voted for the candidate that I believed would provide the most opportunity for my kids, I voted for the rights of my girls, so they are free to live their lives and make choices about their bodies, and not have someone make those choices for them. Endometriosis can be inherited and I want them to have a choice if they need it. I voted for my friends that are gay, because they are good people, just like you and me, a lot of whom go to church every week, and the government should not be able to tell them whether they can or cannot be married.

I realize there are other large issues at stake here, taxes, foreign policy, the economy, Obama care and I know that I could be wrong about a lot of things, including who I thought was the best person for the job of running our country, meaning I don't see my opinion as the only right one, but I don't think this is the beginning of the end for our country or for our world, I think it is only the end if we continue to tear each other apart. I would not have voted for someone if I felt they were a danger to my family or to our country. I would like to reiterate while although Romney may have been a good presidential candidate in some ways, his Vice President was not. As I mentioned before I am not going to get into all of the reasons for  my vote. Just as all of you did, I had to go with someone that shared some of the same values I do. I am not brainwashed by Obama and I do not worship him. I am not sharing this with you to try and tell you that you should agree with me, or think what I think, or believe what I do, I am not trying to push my beliefs on you, I am simply asking you to not judge me or anyone else because I have a different opinion than you, and for doing what I believe is the best for my children. Please don't insult our intelligence or call us stupid because of who we voted for. It hurts, especially coming from people I love and people I consider friends, I would think would at least respect a different opinion other than their own. Regardless who I voted for or who you voted for, we are all Americans and we need to stick together, especially if you really do believe our country is in trouble, lets not destroy our country with hate, but respect and embrace our differences. A team of people, whether at work, or in a family unit, or group of friends move forward by working together while each individual has something different to contribute from the others. All those different opinions and ideas are what creates progress. If everyone thought the same way, nothing would ever change. We are all a team in this country. Lets start to act like it.

Call me a dreamer, maybe I am, but I believe in people and in this country (despite the evil I have witnessed) and I believe we are capable of more than we are allowing ourselves to be.

Every year 60,000 babies are born via In Vitro Fertilization and 15% of couples struggle with infertility.


  1. Bravo Kara! Thank you for having the courage to write this! You took the words right out of my mouth. Thank you... :)
    ~Ami, another proud mom of IVF triplets

  2. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!!! From my IVF babies & my partner & I :-)