Some days I am in a very Christmasy mood and then others, I feel overwhelmed. I thought I had the hang of this NICU thing, I mean, it has been 8 weeks, but some days I still just feel so tired of it all. Don't get me wrong I am so thankful and grateful for my blessings and that my babies are here and that they will be OK, but I am tired of that hospital. Most days I feel like we are making progress, the babies are making progress, Mickey is starting to nipple feed, I think he is done with the C Pap for good. Jolynne has been recovering nicely from her surgery, however she has still not had a bowel movement, which means she cant eat, which means she is starving. Have you ever seen a starving baby? I mean a baby that really has not had anything in her stomach for a week? It is very hard to be there and watch her cry out she is so hungry and not be able to do anything to help. Those days, I feel tired of it all. Truth is though, I just need to be patient, they will be home soon. I do feel like how patient can one person be though. I have been patient. But if there is one thing I am sure that will be tested over and over again now that I have triplets, it will be my patience. And that's OK, at the end of the day, I don't mind one bit.
So, there is the baby stuff and then there is the every day life stuff that is still happening even though I have triplets and two are in the hospital. Life doesn't just stop for me because I have enough going on. There are people I love that are still sick and I worry about. There are friends I think of and my heart goes out to when someone they love is lost. There are doctors appointments and bills to pay and errands to run. There are birthdays to think about and two dogs that need just as much love. There are every day aches and pains I still feel, probably from stress but I keep going because I have to. I just have moments like these where I need to write it out and then maybe I will feel better.
I never knew what my purpose was until two months ago when my babies were born. Not many people can say they have triplets or that they would be able to handle that or having your babies in the hospital, but I do and I will and I promise to be a good mom and raise them right and find a way to get through the NICU days as tired as I am. I will do it and I will be glad. But everyone has bad days.
So now that I have that off my chest, I am going to give it my all to get through the rest of the week in a very Christmasy spirit no matter what a happens. There are good days and bad days at the NICU, but at least I have these days, these today's and tomorrows and that's enough to be thankful for and celebrate this Christmas. We can celebrate today and we can celebrate the babies no matter where they sleep at night, they are still mine, and they are still the most beautiful angels I have ever seen on earth.