Holiday Blues

OK so not really an update. I just needed to write about the every day ups and downs I seem to be having (or the babies are having and I am feeling). Let's start with Christmas. Despite the fact I still have two babies in the hospital, I am still looking forward to Christmas, even though it is toned down a bit from years past. We still put our lights and tree up, we are still making cookies and watching our favorite Christmas movies at night before bed. Being home with Georgia has forced us to do just that, be home, so we have a bit more time while we are here to do stuff. We just cant go anywhere :-) except I did make it to church last Sunday. I really needed that. I am still listening to Christmas music, and I am still missing my dad. I look at my babies and I wonder why he didn't get to meet them. BUT, I could drive myself crazy asking questions like that. Questions I will never have the answer to. Mickey does happen to have a birth mark on his left eyelid. They call it an angel kiss. I think its from my dad, his Papa.

Some days I am in a very Christmasy mood and then others, I feel overwhelmed. I thought I had the hang of this NICU thing, I mean, it has been 8 weeks, but some days I still just feel so tired of it all. Don't get me wrong I am so thankful and  grateful for my blessings and that my babies are here and that they will be OK, but I am tired of that hospital. Most days I feel like we are making progress, the babies are making progress, Mickey is starting to nipple feed, I think he is done with the C Pap for good. Jolynne has been recovering nicely from her surgery, however she has still not had a bowel movement, which means she cant eat, which means she is starving. Have you ever seen a starving baby? I mean a baby that really has not had anything in her stomach for a week? It is very  hard to be there and watch her cry out she is so hungry and not be able to do anything to help. Those days, I feel tired of it all. Truth is though, I just need to be patient, they will be home soon. I do feel like how patient can one person be though. I have been patient. But if  there is one thing I am sure that will be tested over and over again now that I have triplets, it will be my patience. And that's OK, at the end of the day, I don't mind one bit.

So, there is the baby stuff and then there is the every day life stuff that is still happening even though I have triplets and two are in the hospital. Life doesn't just stop for me because I have enough going on. There are people I love that are still sick and I worry about. There are friends I think of and my heart goes out to when someone they love is lost. There are doctors appointments and bills to pay and errands to run. There are birthdays to think about and two dogs that need just as much love. There are every day aches and pains I still feel, probably from stress but I keep going because I have to. I just have moments like these where I need to write it out and then maybe I will feel better.

I never knew what my purpose was until two months ago when my babies were born. Not many people can say they have triplets or that they would be able to handle that or having your babies in the hospital, but I do and I will and I promise to be a good mom and raise them right and find a way to get through the NICU days as tired as I am. I will do it and I will be glad. But everyone has bad days.

So now that I have that off my chest, I am going to give it my all to get through the rest of the week in a very Christmasy spirit no matter what a happens. There are good days and bad days at the NICU, but at least I have these days, these today's and tomorrows and that's enough to be thankful for and celebrate this Christmas. We can celebrate today and we can celebrate the babies no matter where they sleep at night, they are still mine, and they are still the most beautiful angels I have ever seen on earth.

Georgia and Mickey

Mickey - he was asking where the food is?