Tuesday, October 1, 2013
How becoming a mom has changed me...
I would like to start by saying I am not writing this for anyone nor is directed at anyone. Most of my blogs are either updates on the babies or are internal reflections in response to someone or some change in my life that I think others may relate to. I have been thinking a lot lately about how much I have changed since I became a mom. Some changes for the better and some changes, maybe debatable. I realize first of all that I have lost touch with many people in the last two years. Some friends that were actively in my life before the babies, I hardly speak to, and I recognize this is mostly my fault. I think of them often and I feel awful for not being there and not taking the time for them. I realize this may mean I am not as good of a friend as they thought I was. But yet I don’t feel awful enough to call them because I am exhausted. There are people I have also been meaning to meet in person after being connected on Facebook for some time but the truth is it’s hard to find the time. All my energy is spent on my three little ones, my husband, and my job and at the end of the day, I don’t have much left. There are a few treasured friendships I do have that I cannot lose. They are what keep me sane sometimes. They are the few people, aside from husband and my mom that I need in my life and I rarely see them as well. Weddings, baby showers and birthdays it seems, because that’s what happens when you become a mom I guess. Your friends, who were once your world as a young adult, are still important, but your children are your life. I am not sad about this because I know my friends understand as I understand them. I miss happy hour, A LOT! Trust me! But the time in my life for that has passed except in rare occasions. I do spend a lot of time on Facebook, admitting that is my connection to the outside world (away from work) and my way of sharing my greatest love and joy, my children, with other friends and family near and far.
I am also different when you are around me. Maybe I don’t remember things – I blame the pregnancy brain that never went away after I had the babies. Maybe I am not as focused as I used to be. It’s something I am consciously trying to work on. My mind drifts onto thoughts of my kids or what I need to take care of when I get home, or what I need to get done over the weekend. It’s not that I am not listening to you. It’s that I am multitasking in my mind. I may seem a little out of it, or stressed or a little uptight instead of as happy and carefree as I used to be. It’s because my husband and I have gone nonstop from the second we wake up and the days not over yet. There is no enjoying a cup of coffee before the day starts. That would mean getting up even earlier and we need our sleep and energy for the day ahead. So, I am sorry if I seem a little cranky sometimes. I assure you, it’s not you, it’s just part of me is still adjusting to becoming a mom and honestly, I am tired. Happy but still tired.
I wish I could say having children has made me more patient, but I think it’s the opposite. With triplets, the schedule is very important to being able to successfully make it through the day. So, I don’t have a lot of time for anything else, including traffic, long lines and/or waiting for our food to arrive when we eat out. If you stop to talk to me, please make it quick. I have short windows of time to get from point A to point B. Even when I am out and about on my own, it is usually when the babies are napping and I don’t have a lot of time to run my errands before they wake up.
The other changes are mostly good. I have an appreciation for and understanding for moms everywhere, no matter their situation, I especially have a greater appreciation and understanding for my mom. I try every day to not take anything for granted, my family, my home, my job. I kiss my kids and husband goodbye every morning when I leave for work and I take one more glance before I walk out the door because I know enough to know, you just never know in today’s world what the day may bring. I think I have become a little softer in some ways and a little stronger in others, more gray, and even though I have always been an emotional person who wears her heart on her sleeve, I cry at the silliest things that would not have phased me before.
I buy more clothes for my kids than I do for myself. When I go shopping, it’s not for me. We spend our money on diapers, potty chairs, hair bows, pj’s, new toys, books, dvds, and other misc. items. For this reason, we eat out less and less and maybe some things in the house have been neglected or even my wardrobe. The one thing I try not to neglect is my health – I need that!
I was fearless as a child, and a teenager, and now I am scared of everything. Spiders, heights, flying, the flu, and even of my babies sometimes. It’s scary to think I am responsible for three human lives and how all my actions now will shape and mold who they become and their happiness for the next 16 years at least. It’s scary to think of all the different things I have to protect them from without keeping them in a bubble. Even though I am a big scaredy cat though, I don’t let my fears keep me from living. I still get on airplanes, I still go places I know that spiders lurk, and I still take my babies out in public. I still take chances every day. Because I know that if you don’t take chances, you will miss out on a lot of things in life.
Although being a mom has changed me in a lot of ways, in other ways I am the same Kara I have always been. My husband and I believe very strongly it is important not to lose sight of ourselves and keep doing things we love. I like to have fun and I love my girlfriends. I love to write (obviously) and I love to travel. Wine tasting, a baseball game, or a day trip to Sedona, is still my most favorite way to spend a (kid free) afternoon. I am still a working girl, with career goals and am very ambitious. If you really need me, I will be there. I am still a daddy’s girl, even though my dad is in heaven and I still ask myself what he would tell me in certain situations. I still have to learn everything the hard way, and on my own and although I want to take others advice into consideration, I don’t want to be told what to do. Rarely do I learn from reading a book, but I am starting to learn from others who write blogs about their experiences, because being a mom is the hardest job I have ever had and even though I will ultimately do what I think is best for my children based our situation, I enjoy reading what other moms do and have done under similar circumstances. I feel like I have also developed some close friendships with women I might have never known, but because of Facebook and by listening to their stories and keeping up with their families through blogs or pictures, we are connected. These women have helped me in more ways than they know through their advice, their story and their support.
My life has changed so much since I had the babies. I couldn’t possibly put all of those changes in one blog entry but as I notice my relationships with others are also changing, growing or even in some cases fading; I needed to write about and acknowledge why. Because I am a mom now and that is what I will always be before anything else for the rest of my life and even after I am gone. I am just being honest. I do my best to be a good friend, daughter, wife, sister , and mother and sometimes it might not be good enough. But as long as it’s good enough for my children, that all that matters in the big scheme of things. Sometimes, after the babies go to bed, I make the choice to sit back and be nothing and think about nothing. I am not sorry so many things have changed because the truth is, I was never completely happy before my kids were here. There was always something missing from life, before I met my husband, and then before I met my kids. So, if I seem different to you, it’s because I am.