Since day 1, we started getting comments from strangers about the triplets. People that stop us in public or ask to take their picture. At first I really didn't mind it that much. I am so proud of them and the compliments were nice. I feel so lucky and so blessed and so who wouldn't want to stop and comment on my babies. The first time it became a bit overwhelming was the ALS walk. We were there to honor my dads memory, so although it was flattering, I really wanted the focus to be on my dad. I should have counted how many people asked to take their picture. What is it with that anyway? I understand you don't see triplets every day, and they are miracles, but why do you want to take a picture of someone elses kids? And what am I supposed to say? "OK" or "I'd rather you didn't"? I don't want to be rude but do you think its rude to ask to take a picture of someone else's children?
So, I have mixed feelings about all this attention. Sometimes, I wish we could go out somewhere with the babies unnoticed, but I think I have to come to terms that is not in the cards for us any time soon. We went to the zoo with some friends of ours on Sunday night. It was very crowded with people. We thought since it was dark, we might get less attention but that was not the case. One little girl walked over and started touching Georgia's hand and face while we were waiting for Tommy. Her parents were off to the side a ways either oblivious to what she was doing or they didn't care she was touching someone elses babies. Thinking back I should have said something to their little girl like "please don't touch her" but again sometimes it seems harmless and at the same time its seems inappropriate. I don't know this little girl and she doesn't know us. Am I overreacting? Sometimes I think I am overly worried about being polite while other people are not worried about being polite at all.
In a way you kind of feel like the babies are little celebrities. People are staring and pointing and taking their picture in amazement and don't get me wrong, they ARE amazing but its all a little weird for me still and sometimes I wish we didn't get stopped every 2 minutes to answer more questions. I don't mind the sweet comments of course, like "they are adorable", or "you are so blessed", because they are and I am.
It is the people stating the obvious and the people asking the not so bright questions (to put it nicely) that gets old. Plus, because they are triplets, we are usually on a pretty tight schedule and in all honesty I would rather go about enjoying my time at the zoo or at the mall with my family and friends than answer the obvious questions below :
"Are they triplets?" - Well, they are all the same size, in a wagon, they look alike, in coordinating/matching outfits with the same parents, so that would be a yes! They are triplets! However, usually I just say "Yes" and smile.
"You must have your hands full"? - Well, ya, there is three of them and two of us, so we are a little outnumbered. Anyone with 3 kids, let alone 3 kids the same age has their hands full. Thank you for the reminder. However, usually I just say "Yes" and smile.
"Are they natural"? - Well, yes they are real babies. They are not robots. However, usually I just say "Yes" and smile.
"Do multiples run in your family"? - Is that the question you really want to ask me? Does it matter? I think its none of your business. However, usually I just say "No" and smile.
"Are they all boys"? - Well, two of them are wearing pink and have bows on their heads so no they are not all boys. However, usually I just say "No, 2 girls and 1 boy" and smile.
These are all kind of funny, but the comments that make us want to walk away, and I think my husband has a few times, are the people that insinuate that our lives are any thing less than wonderful. The people that say "I feel sorry for you" or "I'm glad I'm not you" or the comment "That does not look like fun". Are you people kidding me? Look at them! Don't bother feeling sorry for me, because I am happier now than I have EVER been thanks to these babies. I am glad you are not me either. I am happy being me and you probably couldn't handle it. Lastly we have so much fun with these babies, even when they are sick, even when they are cranky, they still make me laugh and make me smile. I have more fun every day than I have in a long time. My days are not always the same. I don't go to work and come home every day and see the same things and do the same things every night. I have adventures, and I learn something new from my babies all the time. I get to be silly, sing songs, dance and act like a lunatic all the time. It is endless fun! People should not assume to know everything about your life, just by the fact that you have triplets, and they should not assume that just because they may experience something in a negative way , that you will experience it in the same way. Different things make different people happy.
All this being said, there is also positive attention that comes with the babies and it can be very rewarding to me. For example, at the ALS walk, a perfect stranger asked me if we had used fertility treatments or if multiples run in our family. In my head I was like....here we go...and this is your business because why? I answered that "no, they didn't run in our family". However, she then went on to say that her and her husband were getting ready to start treatments and how hopeful they are and how scary it is. I was thrilled that I could share my story with her and hopefully give her hope. This perfect stranger and I, we happened to have at least two very personal things in common...ALS and Infertility, which is unfortunate that it was those two things but demonstrates that we are all a lot closer than we think. I didn't get the chance to get her number but I say a prayer for her and am thankful that something positive came out of our interaction.
I just wanted to share my mixed feelings on this attention. I post pictures of my babies frequently on facebook, mostly because I am in awe of them and I like to share their awesomeness and cuteness with my friends and family, so I don't mind some of the comments and attention we get. On the other hand, because we DO have our hands full and going into public is not always an easy process if would be nice to eliminate some of the more obvious or negative comments that keep us from going about our business or are quite frankly, pretty rude (not that it changes the way I view my situation in the least). Also, as anyone with toddlers or babies understands, usually you have a window of time to take them out and get them home before they lose their minds, and with 3, that is all the more important or there will be 3 screaming babies in the check out line in the grocery store, or sitting next to your table in the restaurant.
Most everything I have written here, I have seen something similar written by another multiples parent but thought I would share my take on it here as well. I don't expect anything to change, its just part of our life now, that I wanted to capture here and look back at someday with the babies when they are older :-). At that point I am sure they will have developed their own style of clothes, they will enjoy different music and may even have different friends, they surely won't always dress in matching outfits, as cute as they are in them. The simple truth about all of this is that my babies are a miracle and they are all three wonderful, but they are more wonderful for the ways that they are all different and unique than the ways that they are the same. That is what makes them so special to me.
The curious toy thief....
The sweet girl with the funny hair...
Mr. "Multiple" Personalities (since he can cry and laugh at the time)
I love your thoughts on the subject. I have been questioning the picture thing lately. I really would rather people not take pictures of my kids. I don't know them or what they are doing with the photo (other than posting it on facebook) but really, I don't want their faces plastered all over random peoples fb pages. I too struggle with the not being rude part, but really, is it really any of their business or even appropriate to ask such personal questions?!?
ReplyDeleteWe'll have to swap stories sometime... when our hands aren't full, lol ;)
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